*Sensored!!*

I attended a *sensored* conference this weekend. I was and still am very overwhelmed with the amount of love, support and hospitality I was shown. The *sensored* family I now belong to are the most true people I have ever met. I couldn't believe the impact I have had on people for simply living the life God has given me. I felt like a celebrity. I only said a few words and received a standing ovation. I was honored. Thank you to those of you who were there.

***If I am in question about whether or not I can say something I will type *sensored.*

The past month...

So much has happened in the last month. I have been to many weddings including my own sisters. It is crazy to think I now have a brother-in-law! I have survived my first 4th of July in the fireworks business, working an average of 12 hours a day. I have housed two gentlemen biking across America. I was able to see my youth pastor from my younger days and so much more.

I am very excited about the next few months. Relay season is about to begin with the American Cancer Society. The ACS Gala is coming up as well, which I will be featured at. I have a trip to Branson and Texas planned.

God has been so faithful to me through everything going on in my life right now. I was worried about how I was going to pay for specific things and God has come through in a way that I could have never imagined. I praise Him for my continued healing.

With my past month being so busy, I apologize for not responding to the numerous emails and comments I received after my last entry 20/20. Thank you so much for your support and prayers. You lifted my spirits during such a frustrating time, thank you.

20/20

I realize that many of you saw the episode on 20/20, June 1 and I want the entire story told verses what 20/20 chose to include in its broadcast.

I was deceived through the entire process from when the producer first contacted me for an interview through videotaping me at my scan up until the day it aired. I was very disappointed that I was not able to trust him. I feel that he took advantage of my trustworthy nature. He was able to make me feel as though he really cared and was concerned about me. After viewing the broadcast I learned it was all just to get the story that he wanted and he had been after for a while.

MY Decision…
I knew that radiation and chemotherapy would work, but I was also aware of the side effects that radiation and chemotherapy could have on me such as losing my hair, rotting my teeth, making me really sick and a possibility of memory loss. Those were all things that I did not want. Knowing it would work I was ready to do it just to get back to “normal” as quick as possible in hopes I would not have those side effects. Before surgery I learned of glyconutrients. After I learned my tumor was cancerous, I had many confirmations regarding the glyconutrients. I chose to take it and put radiation and chemotherapy on hold because my oncologist said that following surgery, I had time and I was not in a really critical state but I needed to do something.

My surgery was September 29th. I started taking glyconutrients before surgery but only what the bottle recommended. After surgery and the pathology report came back, I started taking a lot more because of the state I was in, (stage III). I went back in for a scan in December, 6 weeks after taking the larger amounts, and the two areas of tumor that were remaining after surgery were gone. I could not believe it. My oncologist could not compare with the previous scan, but my surgeon said, “Hmm, this looks much better than what I expected.” So, I continued with the glyconutrients and other products. I went back in for a scan in March and my oncologist said , “Your scans look great. Keep taking your glyconutrients and we’ll see you in another three months.” My surgeon said, “Scans look great. There is no tumor, no edema (swelling). This is what we want and hope to see, but don’t always get it.” Again I was very excited. I did not completely ignore my doctors, I simply put their treatment plan on hold, while I pursued another path less harmful to my body. I still go in for scans every three to four months as they recommended. In the show I was quoted at the end of program saying the doctor told us “there wasn’t much change.” That quote was my doctor indicating there wasn’t much change from the December scan to the March scan. That’s because they were both good scans!


Clarification…
I am not being paid by anyone to promote their product. I chose to take the products on my own. I was never told that the product would cure or heal me. I was fully aware that the product differs from person to person and not everyone has the same results, just as is true with chemo and radiation. Following surgery, and 30 days of investigating, I felt this was the right path for me.

MY Faith…
I realize the product has given my body the capabilities to heal itself, but I give the glory to God for allowing the healing that I have had. I praise Him for what He has done in my life and without Him I would not be where I am today. I have lived my life watching people slowly fade away due to cancer, including my own father and am elated my story will be different. I ask that you pray for me as I continue on my journey as a cancer survivor. Thank you for your messages, emails, and cards.

Mother's Day.

I really didn't think Mother's day would affect me that much, even last night that was my thought and for most of the day. But, it did. I was alone for a portion of the day and I was just sad. In the past I had been kept busy on Mother's day, but not this year. Every time I turned on the radio or looked at a sign it said "I love you, Mom," or "Thank you, Mom." I never got the chance to tell my mom those things when she was in the hospital. I miss her SO much and there is nothing I can do about that besides take each day for what it holds.

I have had many accomplishments in the last month that my mom missed out on, speaking at the Relay for Life, becoming the Public Relations student of the year,graduating with honors from college, beginning my first job and getting my first real place.

I am becoming an adult, I realize that is what comes supposedly when one turns 18. I also realize most of you see me as an adult as well but my meaning behind this is that I will be self-sufficient for the first time EVER. I will no longer have two homes, I will no longer live in Lee's Summit. I will be living in Warrensburg. I am excited for what my future holds, I am just wondering about what it holds.

Firsts...

Today was my first day of work...not what I expected but I will get used to it. Also, today was my first Royals "WIN" at the K. Very exciting. We got a free soda, free jumbo hot dog and $5 tickets!! Fantastic.

Bitter...Sweet

As sit and wait for my gown to un-wrinkle I am reminded of all the memories that were captured over the past five years. I can't believe I am graduating in less than 14 hours from the University of Central Missouri. As I look back it really did fly by. That is what everyone said would happen but I never believed them until now.

This day is bittersweet in more ways than just one. First, I wish my biological parents could be here to engage in this chapter of my life closing and a new one beginning as I graduate. I hope that tomorrow is a joyful day for me and not one of sorrow because they are not here to celebrate with me.

Also, I will no longer be a part of the Christian Campus House as a student. The CCH has been the only consistent thing in my life over the past five years. I look back at everything I did with it from being a freshman group leader, an intern, an office assistant, the trips I went on and the overnights it had and I smile. I hope I made life-lasting friendships. CCH is why God brought me to CMSU. I have grown in ways that I could not have imagined. I will miss it more than anything.

As for the academics...I will not miss that at all.

What's next you may ask? Well, it is not Disney World. But, I do have a full-time job at Winco Fireworks as the Assistant Manager. I am pretty excited about this. The job fell right into my lap. It is building a new showroom and is needing someone to help run it. I will be hiring people, scheduling, doing web site stuff and much more. I will start receiving benefits immediately, which is something I was worried about. My schedule after the busy season will be pretty flexible. So if you need some fireworks I am the lady to talk too!!

Furthermore, Happy Birthday Scott Lee and Happy Cinco De Mayo!!

HOPE

I am honored to be a part of the American Cancer Society. Last night was amazing. The Johnson County community came together to raise more than $50,000, our goal was only $30,000. In the nine years that the Relay of Johnson County has existed it has never raised this much money. I am so happy that I could be a part of it.

I am also excited to say that my team, Team Together raised the second highest amount out of the 35 teams that were involved. Out of all of the participants I raised the most money. I want to thank all of you that supported me in this event, without you the Relay would not have raised more than $50,000. So thank you.

A great case of the Thursdays!!

On Tuesday I received an invitation to the Communication Department's Awards Banquet for today...I really had no idea of why. I didn't apply for anything like most of the scholarships and awards require.

I was given the most outstanding student in public relations award for this year. I am so excited. My professor knows all of the hard work I do in and outside of the classroom and I was the one who stood out most to the faculty. My outside of the classroom work is Relay for Life. Just an update on how well that is going, Relay has more teams than anyone can remember, it also has the most teams from UCM than ever before and we have grossed more money than any Relay in Johnson County!!

Also, an exciting thing that happened today is Ms. Bonnie Glick called me!! The call came in as unrecognized number and typically I do not answer those numbers, but I did for some reason. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't figure it out. IT WAS BONNIE, many of you probably think why is she so excited about her friend calling her. Well, Bonnie is my partner in crime...canoe...seizure...you know the rest, but she left for New Zealand in January and I have not talked to her since she left. We have communicated through facebook and emails but as for hearing her voice, nothing. So that made my day even better! She is the one in the picture above!

Exciting News

I haven't mentioned this before but added to my events for each day has been apartment searching. I have decided to stay in Warrensburg after graduation until I feel led somewhere else. Things seemed to good to leave now, I am highly involved with Relay for Life, I want to stay connected at the Christian Campus House and I have a roommate, Tabitha (pictured to the left...it is not the best picture of either of us but it is the only one I have of just the two of us)!! So after a month of looking and getting frustrated we did not settle. Finally, we found a PERFECT place for us. It is within our budget and everything we were looking for!! It is a townhouse with three levels...finished basement with washer and dryer area, main level includes the kitchen, half bath and living room and then the upstairs includes a full bath and two good-sized rooms. I am so excited. We get to move in on June 1.

Another bit of exciting news is that this week my neurosurgeon said in terms that we can understand that I am tumor-free!!! He said that I could not ask for a better scan than what I am having. I was so excited, that is all I wanted my oncologist to say...but he wouldn't. When Brenda told me what he had said I started crying. This entire time I have had no idea of what is in my brain and now at least I know what is not! He said that he will not say that I am cancer free, which is understandable because the type of tumor I had is not curable.

Praise the Lord!!

Next week is going to be a busy week all of our planning for Relay is about to be put into action on Friday night. So if you are looking for something to do come on by. It is at the Warrensburg School District Athletic Complex on Gay St.

Not slowing down...

Things are not slowing down here. I have begun my weekend-less weeks from the past weekend until after I graduate. Sounds like fun doesn't it??

I leave in about 20 minutes to meet some junior high and high school students to go down to Branson, MO for a weekend of pretty fun stuff I must say. I know we are going to Sliver Dollar City and we will also be seeing a concert. This reminds me of when I was on Summer Staff at Colonial, each year we would go down to Branson for a few days. I loved it. I wish that my "junior highers" now high school girls were going. I miss them A LOT.

With my weekends being taken that leaves little time for all of my projects to get accomplished. This past week we presented our campaign to our client for the first time. I think it went well. Just a few adjustments and that will be completed. I turned in my 13-page case analysis on Tuesday and I completed my mock interview. So things I know about that I still have remaining before I am FINISHED...two interviews, two summaries, one campaign, three tests and one presentation.

So off to Branson I go!!

What a week!

I have been in Dallas, Texas for the last week working with CIY and People helping People. I had a great time while helping out some people who would have never been able to paint and landscape their homes by themselves.

While in Texas I found out that I was finally officially approved for Medicaid, Social Security and Disability. That takes a huge burden off of my shoulders as well as others.

On top of that I had another MRI and the results are good. There have been no changes from my last scan in December. The doctor said if whatever is in my brain remains stable that I will be good. I pray for complete healing, but as long as it stays stable I will be grateful.

A long time coming...

I have finally finished a long and difficult week of classes. This is the first time where I have had so many midterms, I only have four classes and I had a test in three of the four. But, now I get to stop thinking about classes and tests and focus on what really matters. I would like to say that tomorrow we (Christian Campus House) leave but it is now today for our annual spring break missions trip. I ask that you pray for us as we travel, serve the Lord and fellowship together. This is my last missions trip with the CCH. It has been good, I have traveled to Las Vegas, NV; Ft. Myers, FL; Globe, AZ and now Dallas, TX. I will miss these trips, they have really impacted me and each one has a story of its own.

I also ask that you pray for me. I am stoked about the trip and being able to drive, but when I return I have a MRI on Monday, March 12th. Pray that I will be able to stay focused while on the trip and that the results will come back even better than last time!

It is very late, I have to be downstairs and ready to go in about FIVE hours!!

February

I am always hesitant for the month of February to roll around each year. For many it brings joy and love because of Valentine's day, but for me it brings reflection of memories and the realization that my parents are no longer here.

Tomorrow (15th) marks the date of my father's passing 15 years ago and one week from today (21st) is when my mother passed away four years ago. It is hard to concentrate around this time, because all I can think of is what I was doing four years ago on each and every day for about three weeks. When I think back to my father, I wish he did not have to go through what he did. He had a brain tumor that took his life. I know what I have had to go through and he had so much more on his plate than I have on mine. Technology and science have come so far in the past 15 years and I am so thankful for that.

There are multiple songs that I have held on to that have really helped me through this time and we sang one at Dig tonight, Word of God Speak. Its lyrics say I am at a loss for words but it is ok. There is nothing I can say that will make you understand, heal my heart or replace what I have lost from my parents being gone but that is ok, because I am resting in His holiness.

Mom and Dad there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you, you will always be remembered. Thank you Lord for bringing Jake and I through life's trials and understanding our every thought.

Passion

So much has happened since my last post. So I thought that I was approved for Medicaid, but not yet. My caseworker spoke before she should have. I have moved back to Warrensburg and started classes. Let's just say I am glad to be back in Warrensburg, but classes I will leave that answer up to you.

The American Cancer Society's: Cancer Survivor Network has been incredible tool for me since I was diagnosed. I was able to sign up and type in age, sex and cancer type and all of the people who have also registered I could read their story. It helped me to not feel like I was the only one in this situation. There are 22 year old cancer patients out there, not with the exact type, but cancer is cancer. We all feel the same thing in some sort of way. But, the American Cancer Society has been very helpful to me. I knew that I wanted to be involve with Relay for Life, so I attended the Team Captain meeting, or so I thought I was. It ended up being the committee meeting instead. Well, guess who the newest member of the committee was??? If you guessed me you are correct! This led to me becoming the team recruitment chair. This has been something that I really have taken on as mine. I have enjoyed it. I really feel that this is what God has for me long-term. I would have never guessed that my passion would come out of having cancer. Along with being the team recruitment chair Ashleigh Horn and I are team captains together. Ashleigh is six-years-old and has a brain tumor as well, but hers is inoperable. But, she has a passion to see kids survive. Our team has a webpage and each of us has a personal page as well. You can Relay with me by supporting us by simply going to my page and making a donation. Every penny helps. You can also go to the main page to learn more about Relay.

Over the past few weeks I have relearned (if that is not a word, now it is) how busy a college student is. I ask that you pray for continued strength, discipline, and healing.

A New Year

It has been a LONG time since I have posted. I haven't had anything to say. But, now I do...

I was approved for medicaid!!! I am so happy that the three month process is over, well almost. We just have to submit the bills now.

The same day that I found out about being approved for medicaid is the same day I found out about I70 being closed. Typically I would not care if it was closed. But I am tentatively leaving tomorrow morning for my first snowboard/ski trip. So we'll see if that works out.

And if you have not noticed the last day of the year is tomorrow. I was thinking about where I was last year on New Year's Eve and I was at the wedding of Jeff and Monica catching the bouquet. Needless to say it didn't work out for this year.

This year has been good and not so good. All in all I never would have thought that I would be in the position that I am now. I had BRAIN SURGERY, how crazy is that. I am being seen by a doctor at the CANCER institute. But, if I could take it all back I wouldn't. I have learned so much. I have felt so loved. I have realized how many people I have affected over the years. I have seen people that I know and do not know pull together to raise money for me and my family. I have experienced a miracle. I have experienced God.

As we come into the new year a pray a blessing for you.

WARRENSBURG HERE I COME

I am elated to type this entry because it is ALL good news!!!

As you all know I had an MRI yesterday and my follow up appointments today. My neurosurgeon was looking at the MRI results for the first time while we were in the room and as he looked at each scan he would make a noise like umm, that's good, etc. He did not expect my scan to come back as good as it did!!!! The two tumors are GONE. There is still an area that is abnormal, he said it could be a very low grade tumor or it is scar tissue resulting from surgery.

My next appointments will be in March. Umm..did I mention that March 9th I can drive again!!

As you can tell I am pretty excited myself. So all of you Warrensburg folk get ready because I will be there in ONE month!!

God is SO faithful. Thank you all for your prayers. Don't take that lightly either!!! (that I am thanking you for your prayers)

MRI and follow up appts

So it is just about that time...I have an MRI tomorrow at 12:15 p.m. This will show my progress since my last MRI which was about two months ago. I am not wanting to be hopeful because I just feel that I will be let down. But then again, I want to be hopeful because God is in control.

Wednesday I will learn the results of my MRI at either 9:45 with my neurosurgeon or at 11:30 with my oncologist. I hope to report good news back to you on Wednesday.

Please be praying for emotional, spiritual and physical strength for me. All around I feel very weak.

Let it snow...

I am in Warrensburg for a few days. I figured I would much rather get snowed in here than at home. It is wonderful! I love getting to see my friends again and feel "normal."

I have an MRI on Tuesday and my appointments are on Wednesday. So we are about to find out how things are going up there in my brain. Now that is a scary thought!

i still believe-jeremy camp

the past few days have been really difficult for me emotionally. i am tired of being sick, i am tired of having to drink my "slurry" daily, I am tired of taking 26 pills daily, i am tired of not getting to see my friends and i am tired of not being able to drive.

this song really touched my heart and i could not have explained it better myself how i feel. i have full confidence that i will be healed it is just going to take some time. i do still believe.

SCATTERED WORDS AND EMPTY THOUGHTS
SEEM TO POUR FROM MY HEART
I'VE NEVER FELT SO TORN BEFORE
SEEMS I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START
BUT IT'S NOW THAT I FEEL YOUR GRACE FALL LIKE RAIN
FROM EVERY FINGERTIP, WASHING AWAY MY PAIN

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

THOUGH THE QUESTIONS STILL FOG UP MY MIND
WITH PROMISES I STILL SEEM TO BEAR
EVEN WHEN ANSWERS SLOWLY UNWIND
IT'S MY HEART I SEE YOU PREPARE
FROM EVERY FINGERTIP, WASHING AWAY MY PAIN

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

THE ONLY PLACE I CAN GO IS INTO YOUR ARMS
WHERE I THROW TO YOU MY FEEBLE PRAYERS
IN BROKENNESS I CAN SEE THAT THIS WAS YOUR WILL FOR ME
HELP ME TO KNOW YOU ARE NEAR

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

new look

I have been working on my blog to make it resemble me more!! I hope you enjoy the new look. Soon I will have my story finished and figure out a way to link it to my site. If you have any ideas....let me know.

Important Dates:

December 5th is my next MRI and December 6th I meet with both my neurosurgeon and my oncologist. Please pray that these things go well, I know God is in control. But, I am really wanting to go to school and I know that sounds selfish.

What is going on:

We are in the process of applying for medicaid, social security and disability. I ask that you pray for these things, if I am approved they will make my life so much easier.

I went to Warrensburg on Friday and had a great time. I just hung out with friends, we cooked dinner together, played truth or dare, catch phrase and watched a movie. I was able to stay the night and take it easy for the day.