February

I am always hesitant for the month of February to roll around each year. For many it brings joy and love because of Valentine's day, but for me it brings reflection of memories and the realization that my parents are no longer here.

Tomorrow (15th) marks the date of my father's passing 15 years ago and one week from today (21st) is when my mother passed away four years ago. It is hard to concentrate around this time, because all I can think of is what I was doing four years ago on each and every day for about three weeks. When I think back to my father, I wish he did not have to go through what he did. He had a brain tumor that took his life. I know what I have had to go through and he had so much more on his plate than I have on mine. Technology and science have come so far in the past 15 years and I am so thankful for that.

There are multiple songs that I have held on to that have really helped me through this time and we sang one at Dig tonight, Word of God Speak. Its lyrics say I am at a loss for words but it is ok. There is nothing I can say that will make you understand, heal my heart or replace what I have lost from my parents being gone but that is ok, because I am resting in His holiness.

Mom and Dad there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you, you will always be remembered. Thank you Lord for bringing Jake and I through life's trials and understanding our every thought.

Passion

So much has happened since my last post. So I thought that I was approved for Medicaid, but not yet. My caseworker spoke before she should have. I have moved back to Warrensburg and started classes. Let's just say I am glad to be back in Warrensburg, but classes I will leave that answer up to you.

The American Cancer Society's: Cancer Survivor Network has been incredible tool for me since I was diagnosed. I was able to sign up and type in age, sex and cancer type and all of the people who have also registered I could read their story. It helped me to not feel like I was the only one in this situation. There are 22 year old cancer patients out there, not with the exact type, but cancer is cancer. We all feel the same thing in some sort of way. But, the American Cancer Society has been very helpful to me. I knew that I wanted to be involve with Relay for Life, so I attended the Team Captain meeting, or so I thought I was. It ended up being the committee meeting instead. Well, guess who the newest member of the committee was??? If you guessed me you are correct! This led to me becoming the team recruitment chair. This has been something that I really have taken on as mine. I have enjoyed it. I really feel that this is what God has for me long-term. I would have never guessed that my passion would come out of having cancer. Along with being the team recruitment chair Ashleigh Horn and I are team captains together. Ashleigh is six-years-old and has a brain tumor as well, but hers is inoperable. But, she has a passion to see kids survive. Our team has a webpage and each of us has a personal page as well. You can Relay with me by supporting us by simply going to my page and making a donation. Every penny helps. You can also go to the main page to learn more about Relay.

Over the past few weeks I have relearned (if that is not a word, now it is) how busy a college student is. I ask that you pray for continued strength, discipline, and healing.

A New Year

It has been a LONG time since I have posted. I haven't had anything to say. But, now I do...

I was approved for medicaid!!! I am so happy that the three month process is over, well almost. We just have to submit the bills now.

The same day that I found out about being approved for medicaid is the same day I found out about I70 being closed. Typically I would not care if it was closed. But I am tentatively leaving tomorrow morning for my first snowboard/ski trip. So we'll see if that works out.

And if you have not noticed the last day of the year is tomorrow. I was thinking about where I was last year on New Year's Eve and I was at the wedding of Jeff and Monica catching the bouquet. Needless to say it didn't work out for this year.

This year has been good and not so good. All in all I never would have thought that I would be in the position that I am now. I had BRAIN SURGERY, how crazy is that. I am being seen by a doctor at the CANCER institute. But, if I could take it all back I wouldn't. I have learned so much. I have felt so loved. I have realized how many people I have affected over the years. I have seen people that I know and do not know pull together to raise money for me and my family. I have experienced a miracle. I have experienced God.

As we come into the new year a pray a blessing for you.

WARRENSBURG HERE I COME

I am elated to type this entry because it is ALL good news!!!

As you all know I had an MRI yesterday and my follow up appointments today. My neurosurgeon was looking at the MRI results for the first time while we were in the room and as he looked at each scan he would make a noise like umm, that's good, etc. He did not expect my scan to come back as good as it did!!!! The two tumors are GONE. There is still an area that is abnormal, he said it could be a very low grade tumor or it is scar tissue resulting from surgery.

My next appointments will be in March. Umm..did I mention that March 9th I can drive again!!

As you can tell I am pretty excited myself. So all of you Warrensburg folk get ready because I will be there in ONE month!!

God is SO faithful. Thank you all for your prayers. Don't take that lightly either!!! (that I am thanking you for your prayers)

MRI and follow up appts

So it is just about that time...I have an MRI tomorrow at 12:15 p.m. This will show my progress since my last MRI which was about two months ago. I am not wanting to be hopeful because I just feel that I will be let down. But then again, I want to be hopeful because God is in control.

Wednesday I will learn the results of my MRI at either 9:45 with my neurosurgeon or at 11:30 with my oncologist. I hope to report good news back to you on Wednesday.

Please be praying for emotional, spiritual and physical strength for me. All around I feel very weak.

Let it snow...

I am in Warrensburg for a few days. I figured I would much rather get snowed in here than at home. It is wonderful! I love getting to see my friends again and feel "normal."

I have an MRI on Tuesday and my appointments are on Wednesday. So we are about to find out how things are going up there in my brain. Now that is a scary thought!

i still believe-jeremy camp

the past few days have been really difficult for me emotionally. i am tired of being sick, i am tired of having to drink my "slurry" daily, I am tired of taking 26 pills daily, i am tired of not getting to see my friends and i am tired of not being able to drive.

this song really touched my heart and i could not have explained it better myself how i feel. i have full confidence that i will be healed it is just going to take some time. i do still believe.

SCATTERED WORDS AND EMPTY THOUGHTS
SEEM TO POUR FROM MY HEART
I'VE NEVER FELT SO TORN BEFORE
SEEMS I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START
BUT IT'S NOW THAT I FEEL YOUR GRACE FALL LIKE RAIN
FROM EVERY FINGERTIP, WASHING AWAY MY PAIN

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

THOUGH THE QUESTIONS STILL FOG UP MY MIND
WITH PROMISES I STILL SEEM TO BEAR
EVEN WHEN ANSWERS SLOWLY UNWIND
IT'S MY HEART I SEE YOU PREPARE
FROM EVERY FINGERTIP, WASHING AWAY MY PAIN

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

THE ONLY PLACE I CAN GO IS INTO YOUR ARMS
WHERE I THROW TO YOU MY FEEBLE PRAYERS
IN BROKENNESS I CAN SEE THAT THIS WAS YOUR WILL FOR ME
HELP ME TO KNOW YOU ARE NEAR

I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR FAITHFULNESS
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR TRUTH
I STILL BELIEVE IN YOUR HOLY WORD
EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE

new look

I have been working on my blog to make it resemble me more!! I hope you enjoy the new look. Soon I will have my story finished and figure out a way to link it to my site. If you have any ideas....let me know.

Important Dates:

December 5th is my next MRI and December 6th I meet with both my neurosurgeon and my oncologist. Please pray that these things go well, I know God is in control. But, I am really wanting to go to school and I know that sounds selfish.

What is going on:

We are in the process of applying for medicaid, social security and disability. I ask that you pray for these things, if I am approved they will make my life so much easier.

I went to Warrensburg on Friday and had a great time. I just hung out with friends, we cooked dinner together, played truth or dare, catch phrase and watched a movie. I was able to stay the night and take it easy for the day.

drum roll please...

I have decided to go the all-natural route with my treatment. Don't worry...I will be closely monitored so if any thing increases in size we will know and then go from there.

We had an appointment with the oncologist today. We discussed my decision and he was very supportive, which was a huge answer to prayer.

In January I will be moving back down to Warrensburg to complete my schooling, LORD WILLING!! I am very excited to be back in the burg with all of my friends and living at the Christian Campus House. They have been so supportive through all of this.

I want to thank everyone who reads this. I may not know all of you, but you mean a lot to me and I cannot thank you enough for keeping me in your prayers.

Don't worry, I am alive!!

I have not posted in awhile because we are in a "holding" state. I have changed my mind about treatment a thousand times and so I will spare you the indecisiveness. We are not going to Duke, but it is for good reason. Don't ask why, just know it is for the best. I am doing great. I am still tired, but that could be because I am up so late. I am having trouble sleeping. Please keep me in your prayers this is more challenging than surgery. I am walking in faith.

God is faithful. If you ask He will give you an answer you just have to be observant.

Full Pathology

Full pathology! Are you ready? Well, I was not at all, but I handled it pretty well.

Turns out my tumor is not an astrocytoma, it is an oligodendroglioma. Now for the kicker, it is a grade three. There are multiple areas which are a grade one and two, but there are areas that are a grade three as well. An oligodendroglioma is actually an easier tumor to treat.

We went to the doctors on Wednesday. First, we saw the oncologist. He is the one who told us about the tumor. Next, I had an MRI, went much better than the first one. And then for our final appointment of the day we saw Dr. Hylton to get my stitches removed. You would think that is where the craziness would end. But, the next day we saw the radiation therapy doctor.

They suggested a treatment plan of radiation and chemotherapy for one year. We are in the process of getting something set up at Duke University to get a second opinion. Not that we do not trust our doctors here, but for our state of mind and simply more knowledge we are on our way to Duke. Treatment could start as early as November 1.

I ask that you pray for continued healing and strength, and understanding as I go to Duke University.

Praise the Lord!

Just yesterday I asked for prayer in regards to my thought process; processing everyday occurances. And today for the first time since surgery I was able to give directions without messing up!

Right or Left...That is the question?

These are just a few words that I am having difficulty with. I ask that you pray for me as I continue to venture on this journey.

Slept Well...

Wow!! How is everybody doing?

Well, I am doing great. Needless to say it took a brain surgery to get me there.

Don't know what else to say, and so this is good bye.

Less than 16 hours

"So it is the night before surgery...what are you thinking?"

I am tired and I really think I will be able sleep. Do not worry about me, I will be fine. Sleep well friends.

God is good....All the time

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 5: 16

Every time I get my mail, I open my email, I check my facebook, my phone or doorbell rings there is someone encouraging me, telling me that they are praying for me along with their church and/or small group or offering financial support. I am so thankful for each and everyone of you reading this right now. I may not have my biological parents, but I have an enormous support system through the body of Christ. I am glad that I do not have to experience it any other way.

God is good, I don't know any other way to put it. I literally cannot fathom the amount of debt that I would be accruing if it were not for Him. I also cannot thank anyone who has given to any fund enough. If it were not for you my health would continue to deteriorate and I could possibly lose my life to this tumor. THANK YOU.

Again God is good. Tuesday morning I was told if I did not break the fever I had for 3 days by Wednesday my surgery would be cancelled. Well, I am happy to let you know my fever has not went above 98.4 degrees all day.

There are a few things that most of you do not know about that I would like for you to lift up in prayer.

1. A very good friend of mine is traveling in from Boston in the morning. I ask that we pray for safe travel and a good night's sleep because his flight leaves around 5 a.m.

2. This morning I found out that my great uncle Ronnie passed away. My brother and I cared for him deeply. We did not get to see him often, but we did see him for Jake's graduation party and I was able to speak to him just a week ago. He was very hurt when he heard of my tumor. His services will probably be Saturday, which means I will be unable to attend and that really hurts me. I wish that I could be there. I ask that you please remember our family during this time.

There is so much more I could write, but I should be getting to sleep. Thank you EVERYONE for EVERYTHING.

Preparation Day

Today I go in for my preop appointment. I do not really know what to expect. I know my blood will be drawn again and I know that I will need to be able to aim (I will let you figure that one out)! Other than that I am without a clue.

Also, my emotions are really starting to take a toll on me. I simply do not feel like Angie anymore. I have never struggled with this before and it is turning into anger. Not anger at any specific person or even God, just the situation.

On a brighter note, my dad's nurse was able to get some of his records. I was told that the records were long gone, but some how she was able to get her hands on them. I am very interested in seeing how my dad's brain tumor and mine compare.

A HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE BIG MAN UPSTAIRS!!! God provided the funds that I needed upfront for my surgery in less than one week. If you don't believe in miracles or God, I think it may be time to start.

A few days into it...

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I ask that you pray for two friends of mine, I just heard that they were in a serious car accident. I don't know any details, but their trust in the Lord is amazing.
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A few days have passed and I feel that news has "started" to sink in. But, I do not ever feel that it really will, not even after surgery. Brain tumors have been such a big part of my life and the term has been thrown around like any other "sickness," such as the common cold.

Along the way I have had a few irritating factors arise, such as my finger, leg cramp, and now my glands on my left side are swollen. But, don't you worry. All issues have been addressed and the doctor retrieved more of my precious blood today.

I am very excited for the evenings events. I was invited over for dinner at my best friend's father-in-law's, aka Scott's dad's. I like that guy and I do not get to see him often. I wish I was a bit more perky for the night, but a little bit of blood being drawn wiped me out.

I feel that my last post was kind of a downer. I am sorry. I want this blog to be real and I was not feeling very positive that day. I learned a lot of information that I was hoping would miraculously disappear. I still believe God will heal me and it looks like he will be using the doctors to do so.

Appointment #3

I am sure you all have been watching diligently for this post. Well, here it goes...

I will be having brain surgery on Sept. 29th. Sounds like fun doesn't it?

We have a little bit more detail, but not all of our questions are answered. Some of those questions will not be answered until after surgery. The doctor still believes it is a lower grade tumor, but it does need to be removed.

I know you are all concerned and I understand. But I am very tired from today's news and events. I ask that you please hold off your calls until tomorrow. I will randomly check my blog throughout the night, so that is the best way to get a hold of me. Thank you so much for your prayers.

In preparation...

I know most of you realize that I will be finding out some pretty BIG news today. I ask that you pray the boldest prayers you have ever prayed. I am so scared. As I type tears have already started to come down my face. I know the Lord will bring me comfort and He will heal me even if He uses my doctors to do so. But, this is such a scary time for me being in the unknown.

~Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6-7

My appointment is at 12:45 p.m.